Mrs. Martens was in a hurry this afternoon and didn’t have time to extract the necessary cream from her dairy cow Daisy. Instead, she made her schmaunt fat using the skim milk she had in the fridge.

ELKHART, IN Fed up with meagre salaries that barely pay the rent, Mennonite pastors across the nation have been sporting snazzy new T-shirts as a form of protest. “It’s bad enough he’s wearing such ...

This summer, the City of Winnipeg has been luring hesitant rural folks into the big city the only way they know how – knocking 20 cents off at the gas pump. “I feel it’s entrapment, to be honest,” ...

83-year-old Taunte Liza of Leamington has finally caught herself a catch. This according to the rumours being spread on the prayer chain this week. “I peeked into the church one afternoon and saw her ...

A Jeopardy! clue this past week has made two Mennonite mayors world famous. Abbotsford mayor Ross Siemens and Winkler mayor Henry Siemens were mentioned in the clue, which had contestants stumped. “I ...

It’s the biggest art heist in Canadian history as residents of Altona woke up this morning to discover their beloved giant Van Gogh had vanished. “I’m guessing it was the Funk boys with their F-150,” ...

After 300 consecutive days consuming his glums vereniki with nothin but Taunte Lina’s schmaunt fat, area man Dave Kroeker, 41, decided to reach into the fridge for the French’s ketchup. “I don’t know ...

Area woman Samantha Kroeker, 38, was really looking forward to seeing Mavis Staples at Folk Fest this evening, but had to go back to Altona with her tail between her legs after she forgot to wear her ...

In an effort to “balance religious freedoms with the need to protect our children,” the Alberta Ministry of Edumacation has decided to churn out snazzy new Bibles that exclude anything that might be ...

CAMPO 69, MEXICO After a trip to Chihuahua this past week to negotiate a trade deal for Takis and Peter Wall’s delicious disco, US President Donald Trump praised local man Guillermo Kehler for his ...

It’s the boldest change to airport security requirements in more than twenty years–starting this weekend, Mennonites will no longer be required to remove their socks and sandals when passing through ...

HARRISONBURG, VA In a shocking turn of events in the seeming never-ending Epstein saga, the complete uncensored Epstein files were found in the “Something Special” display case at a local second hand ...